science should know by now that this is a bad idea

What are they thinking?! Scientists have created “supersoldier” ants with HUGE HEADS! They figured out what genes to “mess around” with to give ants GIANT MANDIBLES!

REALLY?! Haven’t these people watched ANY science FACT movies from the 50’s! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER! 

I once saw a movie with giant grasshoppers. Do you know what happened. PEOPLE GOT HURT! They climbed buildings! 

Do we REALLY want giant ants?! They lift 50 times their own weight. Do you know how much that is when an ant is bigger than you? I can tell you. IT’S A LOT! 

Luckily, I have a backup plan. It involves gophers, hedgehogs and clip-on ties. 

But we can avoid all this with one simple idea: Stop making giant ants.

INSTEAD! Let’s make giant Hershey Kisses. I know what you’re thinking, “They already make giant Hershey Kisses.” 

No. They don’t. Those are kinda big Hershey Kisses. Bigger than the ones in the bag. But not GIANT. When I say giant, I MEAN GIANT! Like, as big as Australia! THAT is giant!

This way, we won’t get eaten by giant ants. And we get chocolate. 

I say that’s a win-win. And two wins are better than a mandible crushing your head. Trust me, I know. 

I’m off to talk with the hedgehogs.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj